Okay, so I'm over the hangover and pretty much vented all my frustrations about the issues surrounding the preview online (did you see... ha!), so now let's get down to talking about the actual night itself.
Wow. Just wow. There's something totally spectacular about watching something you created on a big screen in a room full of people. Quite how we got to this point I don't know, and obviously the thank yous to all those involved goes without saying, and I can't quite say it enough anyway.
So how do I feel about the thing?
Honestly, I'd be perfectly happy never watching it again, and I have a new movie I want to focus on now, so yeah. But of course I have to, and the whole point of this post is to actually get my thoughts down on "paper", so here we are.
Thank God people seemed to get it. I mean, I was worried there for a little bit that people might watch it and think "this is fucking mean" and not really understand that it's not meant to be glorifying any of this, it's meant to be condemning it.
The world of Follow the Crows is a brutal, barbaric and horrible one. Ideally you all should watch it and feel terrible. I mean, that's the idea. This isn't nice. This is terrible. And when we first started working on it it seemed to be totally far-fetched, but now...
Obviously, assuming you all follow me on Twitter or Facebook or whatever, you know my views in the current state of affairs society sits in. Follow the Crows suddenly seems all too real and close to home.
Sitting in the cinema and watching it I realized just how close it is. The way the characters treat each other (one in particular), their ideologies and worldview, their total non-plussed reactions to the violence and horror unfolding around them and to them. I mean, yeah, there may be a moral discussion about how people shouldn't kill people, but then the closest thing the movie has to a "hero moment" involves straight up fucking murder, and the closest thing the movie has to a "hero arc" centers on the one character played as an unsympathetic and menacing killer.
There are no good guys, no bad guys, only people forces to survive when threatened, and I like to think the movie shows you just how terrible we are all capable of acting when... Well, when no one or nothing is telling you what's right and wrong.
I condemn then actions if basically everyone in the movie, from the people who actively avoid any involvement in the violence, even down to trying to stop it, to those who seek out violence as a solution rather than trying to deal diplomatically.
And as we've seen recently, these aren't concepts that far out if reach in Brexit Britain or Trump's America, and while those weren't thing when we began writing the movie, they are now, and the movie - hopefully at least - becomes all the more relevant.
But I could sit here gushing over my own movie for hours, and it's not without its flaws. Obviously it's low budget, some of the shots are weirdly framed, but it is what it is.
Am I pleased? You know what, I kind of am. It's not what I wanted it to be, but it's not bad either. And while I wish I could go back and change a lot, it's done now, and I can only learn from it and move on.
The performances are all incredible and I wouldn't change any of them. And not only am I glad that it has got the response it seemingly has, I'm glad that the whole thing is now over and ready to head off on the next step of it's journey.
It's out of my hand now. It's not longer my movie, or the movie of all of those who worked on it. It now belongs to the audience. I hope you feel suitably horrible and you enjoy it nonetheless.